It's hard to explain what it feels like to not have had a parent who cared about you and the longing you have for it all your life. Maybe the closest you can come to describing it is to say it's probably similar to having a parent die and then you have a longing to be able to talk to them again, and know that they care and are there for you.
Maybe it's kind of like that, you miss your parent except you miss them when they're alive and in your life.
It's strange that I had that longing with my father throughout my life, I was 56 when he died. The only thing that happened when he died, is that I couldn't hope anymore. In a way, not having hope set me free.
Hope is what gets us through the bad stuff without losing our minds, or our humanity.
